To succeed in business it helps to be smart. It also doesn’t hurt to have a degree from an Ivy League school. That’s why I made some recent inquiries into expanding my education at Harvard or Yale…

Dear Harvard University Office of Admissions:

I went to Harvard University. Unfortunately, I don’t qualify to be an alumnus since I didn’t graduate. The truth is, I was just visiting there for a short time. Nevertheless, it really impresses people when I tell them I went to Harvard, which I did, so I’m not really lying.

I’ve always wanted to receive a degree from Harvard University. Do you offer any online programs? What’s the fastest major or minor I could earn a degree in? I’ve always been fascinated by customer service, game shows, wax sculptures and formations that large numbers of birds create when flying in groups, if that gives you any ideas. Plus, since most students are single when they attend university, even though I’m married, will I still qualify for a Bachelor’s degree? Why do they call them Bachelor’s degrees? How come women don’t receive Bachelorette’s degrees?

I understand an application fee is required when applying to Harvard. Even though I am not formally applying, please find $5.00 enclosed to cover any administration costs that may apply in relation to your response. Thank you for your consideration.

Harvard: Accepted or Rejected? My heart started racing when an envelope arrived from Harvard College — The Faculty of Arts and Sciences school at Harvard University. It came from the Office of Admissions and Financial Aid. The only letter inside was the one I had sent them, along with my $5.00 bill. It was the cruelest of rejections because they didn’t even have the heart at Harvard to reject me in writing.

Not one to be easily discouraged or defeated, I set my sights next on Yale. Since I never “went” to Yale, I changed the opening paragraph to:

Dear Yale University School of Management Admissions:

I believe there’s a tremendous advantage to having an Ivy League degree for someone with a desire to run a company. Unfortunately, the last league I graduated from was Little League and the only way I’m currently qualified to run a company right now is into the ground.

The rest of the letter was pretty much the same, although I did make them aware of the fact that I’ve always done poorly in math, statistics, accounting and economics.

Yale: Accepted or Rejected? Once again, an envelope arrives from Yale School of Management. Once again, my heart starts beating like a bongo. Once again, inside were my original letter and my $5.00 bill. However, there was also a handwritten message on a Yale School of Management note card that said:

Thank you for your interest in our program. We do not offer such programs.

Best regards,
MBA Admissions

So technically, I wasn’t accepted or rejected by Yale. They just didn’t provide the type of programs they felt I could benefit from.

Final Thoughts: Apparently, I seem to be out of my league in the Ivy League. Yale definitely provided a much more personal touch in handling my inquiry, so I now favor them by far over Harvard. While there are 6 more Ivy League schools, I’ve decided to take the summer off and maybe do a little traveling while trying to find myself before regrouping and reapplying next year to Brown, Columbia, Cornell, Dartmouth, Princeton or University of Pennsylvania.

It’s important to get a good education and you can learn a lot about colleges and universities just by writing or applying to them. However, whether you have or don’t have a degree from an Ivy League school, in order to get any kind of job, you still need to Write The Company.