After having one too many an umbrella invert during a storm, I definitely was not singin’ in the rain. It was more like screamin’, which is why I poured out my feelings to totes>>Isotoner…

Dear Umbrella Spokes Person,

I don’t understand umbrellas. They keep blowing inside-out. They’re built for rain, not wind. But wind and rain go together like beans and wind. It seems that wind is always involved and it kicks butt every time.

Can’t you put a roll bar over the top of totes umbrellas to prevent them from blowing inside-out? Or, how about selling them already inverted, but have a drainage system so the water pours out from the side, which it would do anyway if it were raining. Maybe umbrellas should be flat instead of round. This messed Columbus up for a while, but if umbrellas were flat, less air would get trapped under them, eliminating the odds of them capsizing.

You’ve been focused on shielding people from rain. Now it’s time for totes to focus on shielding us from wind. Solve the wind problem and you’ve solved the rain problem. But solving the rain problem won’t solve the wind problem. It never has. And once you solve the wind and the rain problem you’ll have more time to solve other problems. That’s the problem with problems. There are more problems than answers. And once again, it all comes back to wind because as they say, the answer my friend, is blowing in the wind.

I’m winded for now, but look forward to hearing what totes plans to do about stopping Umbrella Blowout.

A Consumer Affairs Representative from totes>>Isotoner responded with:

Thank you for taking the time to contact totes>>Isotoner. We are very sorry to learn of the inconvenience you have experienced with your totes umbrella. As totes>>Isotoner offers a lifetime warranty for any manufacturing defect with the umbrellas, please send to my attention at the above address, two parts of the umbrella in order for totes to determine the color and style of the replacement to be shipped to you: (1) the white nylon tag stitched into the inside seam material of the umbrella, not the warranty card, but the ½ inch rectangular tag depicting the style number and (2) the wraparound closure strap that gathers the material with either the velcro or snap on closure to depict the color. We do require a $5.00 fee to cover the shipping and handling fee under our lifetime warranty guarantee policy if the umbrella is older than a year.

We appreciate our totes>>Isotoner customers and are happy to be of service.

Final Thoughts: It is honorable and admirable how totes>>Isotoner stands behind their products and offers a replacement. Lifetime warranties are tremendous if the company stays in business and you live a long time.

There are two problems though: (1) I don’t know about you, but when my umbrella gets sucked inside-out, I tend to body slam what’s left into a trash can. Saving that limp-flapping, sad-looking thing for dissection later to collect on the warranty somehow seems to always slip my mind. (2) My inquiry wasn’t about one particular umbrella, it focused on all umbrellas. The issue isn’t an isolated umbrella defect — it’s a defect in the engineering of the entire concept. totes>>Isotoner didn’t address this at all. However, something must be done to insure this “inconvenience” doesn’t continue to turn peoples’ lives, and umbrellas, upside-down. No offense, totes, but the solution may be a new product called, Nubrella, which I ordered a few days ago.

Until the design for umbrellas is perfected, you can still stay dry most of the time with fine products from totes>>Isotoner. However, the only way to change the future direction of umbrellas, may be for frustrated consumers to keep flooding manufacturers with complaints and Write The Company.