In the movie Network, a TV news anchorman goes off the deep end and unites the nation by pushing people to get up out of their chairs, open the window, stick their heads out and keep yelling as loud as they can, “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” That’s how I feel about going to the movies these days. So I sent this rant to Regal Cinemas…
Dear Director of Audience Screening:
I think Regal Cinemas are a regal place to watch a movie. But the inmates are now running the asylum and we need to usher in a new set of rules!
First, why do you let people toss their garbage on the floor? Sure, you clean it up, but my sneakers still end up making the same noise as Velcro every time I lift them. It’s illegal to litter, so enforce the law! Have your security staff hand out $100.00 fines after each show to anyone caught littering and, in New York, spitting too. Kicking the back of the chair should also be discouraged! Have a display with slippers next to a sign that says, “For Our Guests with Restless Leg Syndrome.”
Next, ban all candies that come in crinkly paper. Too many people sound like they’re crawling into the bag. It’s bad enough hearing people chewing on styrofoam popcorn, but the crinkling must cease! Order soundproof bags and demand a transfer of candy before the show.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but that “silence your cell phone” message you show … IT DOESN’T WORK! Not only that, people are constantly texting and my eyes can’t see anything other than the glow of their cell phone light. Start putting whatever they put in the walls of hospitals into your theater walls. No signals get through that stuff and no one needs to be reached in case of an emergency more than medical personnel, but they get by.
Finally, quit letting in children still in an age range considered acceptable for crying. They should only be allowed in with a parent … who brings a muzzle!
Fine litterers and kickers! Ban crinkly paper! Jam cell signals! Shut the kids up! And please send free movie passes for telling you how to run your business better!
The Customer Relations Department, Operational Services of Regal Entertainment Group responded with:
Thank you for taking the time to contact our office. We take all comments received seriously. Your remarks will be reviewed and addressed by the appropriate personnel.
We value your patronage and hope that your next visit is most enjoyable. Once again, thank you for sharing your comments with us.
Final Thoughts: I’m not sure when moviegoers started feeling it was acceptable to act like they were in their own living rooms instead of in public. And based on the form letter response Regal Cinemas sent, I can’t tell whether they will actually take action or if they’re just appeasing another frustrated customer. Either way, if your next movie theater experience makes you mad as hell, don’t take it anymore, and make sure to Write The Company.
