A light went off in my head, so I got in touch with GE Lighting…

Dear Director of Illumination,

You claim your Longlife 100 Watts Light Bulbs live for 1,125 hours. How do you arrive at that statistic? Did you leave the lights on in your factory and notice that most bulbs begin to burn out about 46.875 days later?

I understand that in 1880, Thomas Edison received a patent for his light bulb that glowed for 1,200 hours. So after 129 years, you’ve come up with a bulb that glows for 75 hours less? You call that progress?

How come GE hasn’t figured out how to make a light bulb that never burns out? The light bulb seems to be the only electrical product that runs out of electricity or can’t be recharged. It seems that once it gets some general electric power, it should just stay on like other electric devices. I think the problem is that little silver wire in the middle of the bulb. It’s too thin and flimsy! It can’t handle the heat, and when it snaps and goes limp, it looks pathetic. Maybe you should consult with the folks at Viagra — they really understand how to keep things up and running longer.

What are you doing to get us out of the dark ages with light bulbs that stay lit?

Filamentally yours,
“Me”

P.S. My electric bills are sky high. Can you share what General Electric’s average monthly electric bill runs?

A Product Service Manager from GE Lighting responded with:

Thank you for advising us of the problem you encountered with your GE product.

We regret that you are dissatisfied. The problem you encountered is not typical of the quality and performance of GE products. However, even the best of products may occasionally fail to meet our expectations. Some products may be damaged during shipping or use. When this occurs, we do all we can to correct the problem.

For your convenience, we are enclosing coupon(s) for replacements that may be redeemed at most retail stores that carry GE lighting products. We trust that you will find these to be satisfactory.

We would like your assistance in maintaining the quality of our products. Enclosed is a postage-paid mailing carton. We would appreciate it if you would return the product to our laboratory for analysis.

Thank you for using GE products, and for contacting us about your special problem. We hope that you will continue to use GE products with confidence.

If you have any questions, please call 1-800-(etc).

Final Thoughts: It was kind of GE Lighting to cover the return of my dead bulb. But who saves those things once they don’t light up anymore? The response also included a Courtesy Coupon for Up to $10.00, Good for One FREE Package of GE Light Bulb(s). Another cool gesture! However, GE Lighting failed to address the main issues of my letter. This wasn’t a complaint about a particular bulb. I wanted to know why bulbs burn out when electricity doesn’t. And why Edison was so far ahead of his time that modern science hasn’t solved light bulb burnout completely. GE believes I have a “special problem.” Hmm, I thought everyone’s bulbs burned out. Then again, my parents have been telling me for years that I have special problems. So maybe bulbs aren’t the problem. Maybe I just have a loose connection somewhere.

If anyone is capable of keeping the lights on longer, it’s GE Lighting. In the meantime, if you’re experiencing burnout of any kind, one way to seek help is to Write The Company.