If you — or anyone you know — has itchy or inflamed hemorrhoids, you know they’re a pain in the ass. Ohio State University Center for Minimally Invasive Surgery states, “Everyone has hemorrhoids, but not everyone is bothered by them.” I wanted to be ready in case one ever bothers me, so I consulted Wyeth Pharmaceuticals, makers of Preparation H, for advice…
Dear Hemorrhoid Tamers:
I understand everyone has hemorrhoids and I’d like to be prepared if mine ever flair up. The instructions that come with Preparation H say to insert one suppository into the rectum up to 4 times daily. Since I’m not very anal, I don’t think I can insert one up there, let alone 4. Mainly because I find hand-eye coordination a little tricky when your eye can’t see what your hand is doing.
Is there anything that helps users get Preparation H suppositories into the rectum without having to get their fingers so close to the action? Maybe placing the suppository on the edge of a dart in a dart gun and then pressing the trigger? How about delicately gripping it with needle-nose pliers and then squatting down like the Center of a football team to hike it in? Or, what about plunging the suppository in there with an 8-inch pretzel stick?
If I ever experience Rhoid Rage, what will inserting the first Preparation H suppository feel like? Is it anything like the sensation of squishing Jell-O between your teeth?
If I get an H, I want the right preparation!
A Product Quality Representative from Wyeth responded with:
Thank you for contacting us regarding Preparation H® (FF) Hemorrhoidal Suppositories. Your interest in our product is appreciated.
As an alternative, you may also consider trying our Preparation H® Ointment and Preparation H® Cream. Both may be used for hemorrhoidal treatment. The Preparation H® Ointment is for external hemorrhoids and is packaged with a longer applicator for entry into the upper portion of the rectum. The Preparation H® Cream is for external hemorrhoids and is packaged with a short applicator to treat the lower portion of the rectum.
Additionally, we recommend consulting with a medical professional regarding your concerns and to determine which product will be appropriate for you. We hope this information is helpful and appreciate the fact that you took the time to contact us.
Final Thoughts: Clearly, the subject of hemorrhoids isn’t one that should be taken sitting down. One way to handle them is Preparation H. Plus, a good way to prepare yourself for something ahead of time, just in case, is to Write The Company.
