There’s one thing about popcorn that annoys me. I wrote Weaver Popcorn Company to see if they had a solution…
Dear Popcorn Poppers:
I read that Weaver Popcorn Company produces over 30% of the world’s popcorn. Boy, you are just popping up everywhere! With all that clout, can’t you get movie theaters to sell Pop Weaver Popcorn instead of that styrofoam imitation?
There’s only one drawback to eating popcorn — those little brown crusty things that always get stuck in your throat. It really sucks going cckkkk, cckkkk, cckkkk for two hours in a crowded theater. Sometimes you have to cckkkk so hard it actually blows up the woman’s hair in front of you.
No matter how much you drink, it never washes the darn thing away. Then, in between cckkking, you have to keep going to the bathroom because of all the liquid you drank. What are those annoying things? I call it popcrust. More importantly, how do you get rid of the parasitic leeches? Popcorn would be even more fun to eat if it didn’t attach to your throat lining. Are you currently working on a cure? My fingers are short and I can’t get down that far.
Pop goes the Weaver!
Weaver Popcorn Company responded with:
Two coupons.
Final Thoughts: That’s all that was in the envelope — Two coupons for One FREE Carton of Pop Weaver Microwave Popcorn, Any Size, Any Flavor. No letter. No advice. Nothing but an extremely nice gesture, which is very appreciated.
I’m not sure why Weaver Popcorn Company didn’t provide any explanation for this popcrust predicament. Perhaps the coupons were their way of saying: keep eating more popcorn and pray it pushes down whatever is lodged onto your larynx, affixed to your esophagus or tethered to your tonsils. Maybe because they have so much popcorn around the office, the entire staff has popcrust stuck in their throats, and it’s too uncomfortable to sit still for very long and type out responses. Do you have the answer? Not to why Weaver Popcorn didn’t offer a solution, but for getting popcrust to loosen its grip on glands and other interior throat structures.
If you’re a popcorn lover, try popping some Pop Weaver Popcorn into your mouth. However, if there’s anything about a product you enjoy that becomes a sticking point, pop a letter into the mail and Write The Company.
