Flashback to 1997: There was something about some Progresso soups that didn’t exactly bowl me over. That’s when this never-before-published exchange took place…

Dear Soup Soupervisor:

You’re kidding right? What’s with this 99% Fat Free Soup? What about that last percent? You mean to tell me you got 99% of the way there and bailed out? It’s only one more percent! Why should your customers have to eat 1% less of your product to make up for the fact that you just couldn’t locate the last percent? There must be a reason! Did the chefs assigned to this project all get transferred to the spaghetti sauce division, or what? Why rush soup to the store shelves before the job is done? I’ll bet if you stuck with it for another week or two you would have nailed that last percent!

I’m not a Soup Nut, I just expect 100%!

The Vice President, Consumer Relations for Progresso responded with:

Thank you for taking the time to contact our company. We appreciate having this opportunity to answer your questions about PROGRESSO® 99% Fat Free Soup.

The 99% Fat Free claim is based on weight, not on the percent of calories from fat. The amount of fat in a serving is divided by the weight of the serving. For example, if there was 1 gram of fat in a serving and the serving weighed 100 grams, the serving would contain 1% of fat, and therefore be 99% fat free.

We hope this information will be helpful and that you will continue to use and enjoy our products.

In response to their response, I responded with:

Thanks for getting back to me to explain why you couldn’t get rid of the last percent in your 99% Fat Free Soup.

If you have a little more time, could you please explain the explanation to me? You said, “The 99% Fat Free claim is based on weight, not on the percent of calories from fat.” Now I’m really confused. I weigh about 150 pounds but I didn’t include that in my first letter. What do I do now?

Then you wrote, “The amount of fat in a serving is divided by the weight of the serving … and that if 1 gram of fat was in a serving and the serving weighed 100 grams, the serving would contain 1% of fat, and therefore be 99% fat free.” Say what!? I was really bad with math. That’s like those torture problems they give you at school … if Josh and Vladimir each ate 47 bowls of soup and Vladimir got a stomachache after the 32nd bowl, how many bowls of soup would Josh have to eat before he got a stomachache? I could never figure those things out!

I couldn’t find a math teacher to explain your explanation, so if you could set me straight, I think the brain cramps I’ve been getting trying to figure it out on my own would go away.

Math turns my brain into soup!

In response to my response to their response, Progresso responded with:

Thank you for taking the time to contact our company about PROGRESSO® 99% Fat Free Soup.

Sometimes it is difficult to answer a question in a letter. Please call our toll-free number located on our letterhead and speak with one of our representatives.

We appreciate your interest in our products.

Final Thoughts: Progresso still sells 99% Fat Free Soups. That 1% sure has been elusive. I never did call them to follow-up. Mainly because I always prefer to Write The Company.