Pencils annoy me. That’s why I typed out this letter to Paper Mate…

Dear Pencil Pushers:

I hate the noise pencils make. That’s one of the reasons I had to drop out of accounting. Is anyone at Paper Mate working on a more soundproof pencil that doesn’t scratch so much when you write?

Another problem I have with pencils is when the erasers try to escape after just a few erases. There you are writing away and the thing plops off and rolls away like a dried up wart. Can’t you toss a little glue into the eraser mixture to hold those things together?

Finally, how did No. 2 pencils get to be more popular than any of the other No. pencils … and why haven’t they been renamed No. 1 pencils since they are more in demand? I think each of the 50 States, and possibly Puerto Rico if budget permits, should have their own assigned pencil No.’s. Wouldn’t that make it easier to keep track of pencils? If you like that idea, please jot it down.

I have a point, don’t I?

A Consumer Affairs Associate from Sanford, a Newell Rubbermaid company, responded with:

Thank you very much for reaching out to us about our Paper Mate® American Pencils. It causes us great concern to learn of your experience with our product and apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

As stated on the back of product packaging, Sanford guarantees complete customer satisfaction and replacement. Anytime you are disappointed with a new Sanford product drop it in the mail in a padded envelope with a brief description of your experience. Replacement product will be returned to you as soon as possible. We would also be happy to reimburse your postage, simply request this in your correspondence.

Please mail your product to: (Address followed).

We appreciate your taking time to return the product to Sanford for it will be inspected by our Quality Assurance Department. This feedback helps us identify quality issues and areas for improvement; without invaluable feedback from consumers like you this would not be possible. We appreciate your partnership in improving our products and ensuring that any future purchase of Sanford product will be of the quality that you have come to expect.

Enclosed is replacement product from current production.

We are committed to provide you the best service and highest quality products on the market, that’s why you are one of over five generations of consumers who have trusted, looked for and bought Sanford products for themselves and their families. We hope that in the future when you go shopping, you will look for and choose a Sanford product.

Thank you for taking the time to contact us, and again we apologize for any inconvenience this has caused you.

Final Thoughts: The product support policy for Paper Mate is phenomenal. Sanford Brands clearly stands by their products, guarantees complete satisfaction, offers to replace them when you’re not happy, and even pays for postage if you request it. They apologized, offered to take action and were professional. What more could a consumer ask for? In this case, a lot more, because they provided a solution for someone else’s problem!

I was inquiring about making pencil usage more tolerable, not looking to return a particular problematic pencil. The annoying noises pencils make while writing, and eraser fallout, aren’t unique to Paper Mate pencils — they apply to all pencils! As for pencil number naming, they ignored that, too. The Associate also mentioned that a replacement product was enclosed, but along with the answers to my questions, he forgot to include it.

There is no question that pencils present a plethora of personal pet peeves for me. However, you will find many exceptional writing instruments manufactured by Paper Mate, including pencils if you can stand the noise they make when writing with them. Although, if you’re having trouble erasing certain issues involving a product from your mind, put it down on paper and Write The Company.