To succeed in business, it’s how you play the game. Playing Monopoly is one way you can prepare yourself. If you can survive having your closest friends, relatives and lovers transform into cut-throat psychopaths whose only reason for living becomes taking you down, you can probably handle whatever your competitors or the government can do to you. I contacted Hasbro to see what I could learn from the owners of the world’s most famous Monopoly…

Dear Monopoly Moguls:

You really have a monopoly on the game Monopoly! How many Monopoly games have you actually sold? Considering the current state of the economy, do you have any plans to include a government bailout for players that go bankrupt? Can you tell me who prints more money every year; you or the U.S. government? You should probably be economic advisors to the government because your rules for playing the game make much more sense to me than theirs. Can you at least give Barney Frank a call and offer a few suggestions?

Most of my Monopoly games don’t last very long. Either I catch my opponents conducting business like Bernie Madoff … or someone gets frustrated and throws everything off the board. How long did the longest Monopoly game on record ever last?

Finally, why did you misspell Marvin Gardens? Isn’t the real street near Ventnor and Atlantic Avenue called Marven Gardens?

Please write back and do not pass GO until you do!

A Consumer Affairs Representative from Hasbro responded with:

Enclosed is the literature you requested. We appreciate your interest.

If you have any additional questions, please don’t hesitate to call us at (phone number followed).

Final Thoughts: Time is money, so it is understandable why Hasbro kept their response short. They enclosed interesting background information titled, “60 YEARS AND ENTERTAINING MILLIONS / The story of the MONOPOLY® Game.” Aside from the fact that Monopoly is entering its 75th year, some interesting tidbits included: “The game has had its ups and downs — a 10-day game was once played in a moving elevator and a group of the MONOPOLY® game fanatics battled the forces of gravity for 36 hours, setting a record for the longest inverted game.” And … “In 1983, the Buffalo Dive Club played for 1,080 hours — underwater. Some 350 divers took turns to keep play going for 45 consecutive days.” For more , visit their History & Fun Facts website section, where you’ll learn stuff like: “The longest MONOPOLY game in history lasted 70 straight days” and “The longest MONOPOLY game in a bathtub lasted 99 hours!”

Consumer Affairs didn’t address all my questions. For example, in 1997, I sent a much different letter to Parker Brothers before they were purchased, along with Monopoly, by Hasbro. One question was the same and they responded with: “Parker Brother prints much more MONOPOLY money than the U.S. government each year.” With government spending skyrocketing, it would have been interesting to see where that stands 13 years later. Parker Brothers also stated: “The game has remained the same since we first published it in 1935 and we have no plans of ever changing or updating it. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!!” Today, there are multiple Monopoly products, and then there’s this makeover for the 2010 75th Anniversary Edition.

Hasbro also bypassed my question about Marvin Gardens, which was accidentally misspelled on the board and left that way. According to this NPR Report Monopoly Trivia sidebar, “In 1995, Parker Brothers formally acknowledged the original misspelling of “Marvin Gardens” and apologized to the residents of the neighborhood of Marven Gardens in Atlantic City.”

This will also interest fans of the game — a Monopoly documentary, “Under the Boardwalk.” I’ve already monopolized enough of your time, but remember, to learn more about the products you use, make it your business to Write The Company.