When it comes to the subject of breasts, I’ve always maintained a firm position. That’s why coming across Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula Bust Firming Massage Cream made me want to enhance my education in this area even further…

Dear Skin Pamperers at Palmer’s:

I’d like to learn more about your Bust Firming Massage Cream. It’s hard to believe a cream can firm up a bust. It’s like those ads for men claiming they can add extra inches to the size of their you-know-what. Are these things really possible? How does your cream do it? Will it also firm up a you-know-what or is it formulated only for busts?

After the first application, how long does it take before you can see the bust area skin start to firm? Can you provide testimonials from women who use this product and does Palmer’s have independent testers feel their bust to verify the accuracy of their statements? If it’s the latter, can you please send an application for this position?

Will Palmer’s Bust Firming Massage Cream also work for men? I’ve seen some guys here on the beaches in South Florida with pretty large breasts flapping away like a kite with a hole in it. I swear I’m not one of them! It’s not that I’m out all day looking at men’s breasts, I much prefer the ones on women, but it’s hard not to notice. I’m just thinking that if your cream can also firm up men’s breasts, that this might be a good item to sell at swap meets or directly to big-breasted dudes at the beach. Do you have any studies related to this that would be effective in a PowerPoint sales presentation for this purpose?

Thank you for helping keep me abreast of this situation.

A Customer Relations Representative from E.T. Browne Drug Company, manufacturers of Palmer’s products, responded with:

Thank you for your letter dated July 13th regarding Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula Bust Firming Massage Cream.

The purpose of this product is to firm the delicate skin of the breast — not firm the breast itself. It should work on men as well as women.

Thank you again for writing to us.

Final Thoughts: I’m not sure why this cream is called “Bust Firming” when according to Customer Relations it’s not for firming the breast, just the skin. Doesn’t that really make it “Bust Skin Firming”? If I knew that, I would have asked if it also works on chickens because I always remove the breast skin first, and if it were firmer, maybe it wouldn’t tear apart so easily while trying to pull it off.

Learning how the cream works would have also been interesting. The wording, “It should work on men,” seems a little curious. The key word here is should, but will it? How does it even work on women? And if a woman lets her man massage it on regularly for her, what if the skin on his hands gets firmer, but not the skin on her bust? What kind of problems can that lead to? Above all, most disappointing was that there was no application included for the position of Bust Firming Checker.

While women’s busts have been admired since the beginning of time, men’s breasts have unfortunately been attracting more and more front and center attention over time. This article addresses 5 Reasons Men Develop ‘Man Boobs’. Plus, here’s an entire photo gallery of Marvelous Man Boobs described as, “A collection of he-teets, man mammaries, and dudes with boobs.” Finally, 10 Insane Celebrity Man Boobs from PopCrunch.

If your delicate bust skin can use firming, you might want to get your hands on some Cocoa Butter Formula Bust Cream from Palmer’s. However, if you want to uncover firm information about a product, it might be wise to Write The Company.