Preparing for a funeral is never fun; especially when it’s your own. Yet a few issues unexpectedly came up regarding mine, so I consulted an organization experienced in this area for guidance…

Dear National Funeral Directors Association:

You seem to have lots of helpful information on your website about funerals. That’s why I am interested in learning more about your philosophy regarding final resting places. I’m the kind of person that likes to plan ahead as one never knows when they are going to experience an untimely death. I even believe that timely deaths are untimely, do you agree?

My wife and I went to dinner with friends recently and my friend’s wife asked me if I would consider being buried next to her. Not literally next to her, but in the next plot. This caught me by surprise because she’s never even hinted about lying down next to me in real life. Do you think this is an unusual request? Have other living people made this kind of arrangement? While I am devoted to my wife, the afterlife seems like it lasts a very long time, so it might not be a bad idea to have another woman on the side. Even still, I’d like your opinion on the moral and ethical nature of this sensitive subject.

This discussion also got me thinking about casket choices. I’ve never given much thought to this before. The thing is, I’m pretty claustrophobic. Do you know of any casket companies that offer coffins with a window? How about a skylight model with a clear overhead view? If there is an afterlife, and my soul lives on, it would be comforting to know it will have a clear view looking out to the open sky.

Thank you for any insights you can provide during this time of my need even though it hasn’t arrived yet. This information should be very useful in helping me rest in life until the time comes for me to rest in peace.

A Senior Executive responded with:

I am in receipt of your letter to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) dated July 29, 2010. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to answer your questions.

First, regarding your question about burial space assignment at a gravesite; it is not uncommon for persons to pre-designate “who” will be placed in “which” burial site. Most commonly, these conversations take place within a family unit.

I am not personally familiar with your relationship with your friends and feel that it would not be proper for me to comment on the moral and ethical nature of the request you referred to in your letter. It is not uncommon for friends to be so close that they regard each other as “family.” I would recommend that you continue this discussion with your wife, other family members and your friends to determine if you should proceed to arrange adjoining burial spaces.

Second, with respect to your question about casket design; I am not aware of a model that has a clear or glass top. Caskets are typically made of wood or metal – sturdy materials that would not easily break. I have seen caskets that have an interior glass liner, through which you would view the deceased; the exterior of that casket is made of traditional materials.

Again, (my first name), thank you for contacting NFDA. I trust that you will find this information useful and wish you the very best as you discuss these matters with your family and friends.

Final Thoughts: I was moved by this response. The tone was comforting. The advice was compassionate and insightful. Plus, having an organization give me peace of mind was a refreshing change to giving some organization a piece of my mind.

It’s unfortunate that caskets with a view don’t seem to exist. I’ve always heard there was a window to the soul. Apparently, while you can look into one’s soul, it appears to be much more difficult for one’s soul to look into a window. So at this point, I’d even be willing to settle for a peephole.

As for giving my friend an answer, I haven’t yet. Even if I was interested in this sort of arrangement, and my wife approved, I’d probably want to do some more interviewing for plotmates to weigh all my options and see who else was also interested. Then again, I could be very content burying myself in a stack of 300-plus page novels I never got around to because I was always so dead tired from doing other stuff.

If you’re looking for an incredible resource to help you make informed funeral service choices, consult the National Funeral Directors Association. However, if you have questions that involve a matter of life or death, either find an appropriate organization and inquire, or Write The Company.