After a recent washing, I started wondering what was true and what was falsetto about my soap. That’s when I composed this letter to Dial…

Dear Dial Soap Dispensers:

I use Dial Gold Antibacterial Soap. Since I’m a borderline bacteriaphobic, can you confirm that the antibacterial agents in your soap are preventing gross bacteria from crawling up my nostrils and into my ear canals, mouth and eye sockets? Just writing that sentence made me bring up a little reflux.

Also, when I wash my face with Dial soap, sometimes it feels like my peepers were sprayed with pepper spray. What can I do when that happens because my eyes fill up with so much water that even the bacteria start coming out on surfboards. I know your label says, “In case of eye contact, flush with water.” But I’ve got two problems with that: one, my eyes are already filled with water, which isn’t helping, and two, there’s no way I’m sticking my head in a toilet to flush them. I was brought up better than that.

What’s in Dial soap that burns the retina, scorches the pupil and sets the cornea on fire? And is there a more sophisticated way you can recommend for dealing with it in the future?

My eyes were brown. Now they’re burn.

A Consumer Information Representative from Henkel of America, manufacturers of Dial Soap products, responded with:

Thank you for taking the time to contact us regarding Dial Bar Soap.

We do not claim that Dial soap will kill all germs on your body, and we do not guarantee it will prevent any germs from entering your body by way of nose, ear, mouth, or eyes.

We apologize that you have experienced irritation of the eyes and we regret any inconvenience. Please contact our health care professionals at (phone number followed). After receiving their report, our office may contact you for further assistance.

Thank you again for contacting us.

Final Thoughts: Dial certainly came clean with the facts about their claims and delivered a professional response. They also showed compassion by inviting me to call one of their health care professionals to file a report. That wasn’t necessary since my eyes recovered quickly and even felt somewhat cleaner once the stinging subsided. Maybe they’ll develop an eye wash someday they could call Dial Dilated. Unfortunately, I still haven’t recovered from the news that germs might be entering my body by way of nose, ear, mouth or eyes. With that, I’m going to shower again.

If you’re searching for long-lasting clean, your answer could be Dial Soap. However, when you need to clean up some issues involving a product, it can’t hurt to Write The Company.

Update: As always, companies have no idea I’m Write The Company or that I’m posting my letters and their responses online. When Henkel discovered my Tweet about the Dial soap post, they Retweeted it to their followers. How cool is that?