Write The Company

While visiting my parent’s home in 1997, I found a product that caught me by surprise. It was Lucky Kentucky Shampoo from Palm Beach Beauty Products, but it didn’t appear to be for humans. Since I thought my mom had gone nuts, I immediately consulted the manufacturer for advice… 
Dear Head of Shampoo Products:
This is a [...]

Shampoo advertising for women has much more finesse than what you see for men. What would happen if a man added some Finesse to his grooming routine? I asked the makers of Finesse shampoos…
Dear Hair Finessers:
I’d love to get my hair fresh, soft and silky all at once like your Finesse 2-In-1 Shampoo and Conditioner [...]

Crest Pro-Health Rinse got me so confused that I couldn’t tell the difference between day and night. But I could tell Procter & Gamble, manufacturers of Crest products…
Dear Mouth Rinserologists,
What’s the story with Crest Pro-Health Night Antigingivitis/Antiplaque Oral Rinse? You claim it “Fights Plaque at Night.” Then there’s a Crest Pro-Health Oral Rinse that [...]

After posting “Dial Soap Opera,” I sent out a Twitter Tweet announcing it. Henkel North America — the company behind many recognizable home and personal care products, including Dial — found it and retweeted it…

Final Thoughts: The companies I write have no idea I’m going to write them or that [...]

After a recent washing, I started wondering what was true and what was falsetto about my soap. That’s when I composed this letter to Dial…
Dear Dial Soap Dispensers:
I use Dial Gold Antibacterial Soap. Since I’m a borderline bacteriaphobic, can you confirm that the antibacterial agents in your soap are preventing gross bacteria from crawling up [...]

Either you’re for wrinkles or anti-wrinkles. It’s a fine line that influences your point-of-view. To gain a better understanding of the ever-growing anti-wrinkle perspective, I contacted Neutrogena…
Dear Skin Specialists:
I see that Neutrogena makes Deep Wrinkle Anti-Wrinkle Serum. My wife is starting to feel a little wrinkly and often talks about stuff like Botox and Ritalin. [...]

Germs are everywhere these days. I’m particularly grossed out by the ones that live in peoples’ mouths, especially my own. I spit out this letter to Listerine to learn more about what kind of germs are attacking us…
Dear General of Germ Warfare:
The label on Listerine says, “Kills Germs by Millions on Contact.” I’m thrilled that [...]

These days, toothpastes are real multitaskers. One task in particular that Aquafresh takes on caught me by surprise, so I looked into it…
Dear Aquafreshers,
I feel sorry for Aquafresh stripes. They come out so perfectly, and then once you start brushing, it looks more like you licked the primary colors off a watercolor painting.
Until I read [...]

Over the years, I’ve enjoyed the scent of many Little Trees air fresheners in my car. It seemed only natural to contact Car-Freshner Corporation, the manufacturers, to air my thoughts about a different kind of use for them…
Dear Tree Sniffers,

This is embarrassing, but I’m going to ask anyway. Your Little Trees Air Fresheners for [...]

An Extra-Volume Collagen Mascara product from L’Oréal Paris caught my eye. It also gave me an idea for using it to increase the volume of something other than my eyelashes…
Dear Makeup Artists:
I’m writing about your Extra-Volume Hydra Collagen Mascara, which claims to define and volumize eyelashes. Is volumize even a real word or did L’Oréal [...]