People are handing over germs everywhere you go. It has become increasingly necessary to implement a hand hygiene regimen to protect yourself from anyone you come in contact with that participates in activities such as handshaking, sneezing, utilizing public restrooms and rhinotillexomania (compulsive nose picking). But hands aren’t the only way germs are spread. I contacted the makers of PURELL to see if its hand sanitizer could also offer protection from dogs…

Dear Sanitary Sanitizer Specialists:

Your PURELL Hand Sanitizer is a very handy product to have around, especially since it kills 99.99% of germs. Couldn’t you have pushed your scientists a little further and knocked off that last .01%? It just seems a shame to have given up when you were just a few measly germs away from maximum sanitization.

Would it be harmful to rub a little PURELL on a dog’s snout? Lots of dogs enjoy sniffing butts. Not only cigarette butts, but the butts of other dogs. Then they snuggle up to your face and wipe away. They want you to think they’re being affectionate, but I think they know exactly what they’re doing. Those butt germs need to be squeezed out of existence so dogs don’t make people smell like smoke or the back end of a Beagle. Is PURELL capable of kicking some butt?

A Consumer Care Center Representative responded with:

Thank you for contacting Johnson & Johnson Consumer Companies, Inc., makers of PURELL® Instant Hand Sanitizer. It is always important to hear from our consumers, and we appreciate the time you have taken to contact us.

We would like to answer your question in this letter; however in this case, we would be better able to help you over the phone.

Please call the Information Center toll free at (phone number and hours of operation followed).

Be sure to mention the reference number below when you call.

We appreciate the opportunity to speak with you and apologize for any inconvenience.

Final Thoughts: Hey J&J, the only inconvenience is making me call your Information Center! Why make someone call the Information Center when they wrote the Information Center only to have the Information Center write back to tell them to call the Information Center? I’m already starting to feel like a dog running around in circles chasing its tail!

What other information could the Information Center possibly need? All they had to do is tell me why they couldn’t kill off the last .01% of germs and whether PURELL can sanitize the snout of a dog. I didn’t request a seminar. I’m guessing what they really want is more information about me. Well, they’re barking up the wrong consumer tree and I’m not biting. I don’t want to call the company, I like to Write The Company!

The Consumer Care Center Representative did enclose 3 Save $1.00 coupons on various LISTERINE, NEOSPORIN and PURELL products, which was very thoughtful. That should help fight off a ton of germs, although I have no information as to whether LISTERINE or NEOSPORIN are effective for use on dogs.

If you want to get your paws on an instant hand sanitizer, consider PURELL. However, when you need answers from customer service, you can either talk to their Information Center, or take your chances and Write The Company.