Even though dust settles, I have no intention of settling for dust. Since Swiffer Dusters from Procter & Gamble gather up dust, I reached out to them to gather up information about dust…

Dear Dust Devourers:

I use Swiffer Dusters mainly because I can’t use feather dusters since I’m allergic to feathers. Then again, I’m allergic to dust, so technically I’m allergic to dusting. Any idea how much dust the average person needs to inhale to force a sneeze? How about a wheeze? I figure the dust is going to get me whether I dust or don’t dust, so I’m going to risk dusting until an allergist orders me to live in a bubble. Just in case, does Procter & Gamble sell dust-free bubbles? It seems you guys sell everything!

House dust is everywhere. It’s kind of weird that people collect so many things like figurines, model cars and porn videos, yet the only thing the things we collect seem to collect is dust. Where does it come from? It’s like the dust magically appears out of thin air. Have you considered that perhaps thin air is the problem, not dust? If air were thicker — like air that’s so thick you can cut it with a knife — would there be less dust around? Is P&G working on any air thickening dust-reduction products?

Even when you don’t think there’s dust, and sunlight shines through a window, you can have an asthma attack just seeing all the dust that’s really there. Why does some dust drop down onto surfaces while other dust floats around unseen until it’s in the right light? When I Swiffer dust, the dust doesn’t seem to fly around like with other dusters. Why is that? Your answers are important, so please don’t leave me in the you-know-what.

A Swiffer Team Representative responded with:

Thanks for contacting us. Hearing from you and other consumers helps us toward our goal of delivering top quality products and services worldwide. The Swiffer Duster has fluffy fibers and textured dusting strips that help clean all surfaces as well as trap dust inside those strips. That is possible because of a special coating on those strips, which aids in the trapping of the dust.

I hope this information is helpful.

Final Thoughts: Apparently, I didn’t need to write the first 98 percent of the letter. It would have been interesting if the Swiffer Team responded to some of my questions other than just the last one. However, unlike dust, they didn’t even touch the surface.

Rather than bite the dust and give up so easily, I went looking for answers on my own. It turns out that the Swiffer Team may have been right. Based on what I learned, it might be better not knowing. This Time Magazine article, “What’s in Household Dust? Don’t Ask” provides a real close-up look at dust. You may think it’s nothing to sneeze at, but for some people it definitely is. Here’s more about the study referred to in the article.

Enclosed with the reply were two coupons: Buy One IAMS Dog Food Can Get One FREE and Buy One IAMS Cat Food Can Get One FREE. I’m not sure why out of all the products P&G manufactures that they would send coupons for these items. I guess they figured if I was allergic to feathers and dust, what would the odds be that I’d also be allergic to every single cat on the planet and certain dogs that also happen to have hair?

If you’re collecting dust, try Swiffer. Although, if you need to collect information about a product or the science behind how it works, don’t let your thoughts turn to dust before you Write The Company.