Write The Company

Here’s a letter to one of my favorite Aunts, probably one of yours, too…
Dear Aunt Jemima:
How come you never do any commercials? You should have your own cooking show on the Food Network! Are you just shy, or what? I can’t believe you haven’t even been on Oprah yet! What do you do with your [...]

Reading product ingredients can often be an eye-opening experience. There’s the kind you can’t even pronounce. There’s an onslaught of others you wish you could call a chemist to explain. Plus, let’s not forget the ones that make you wonder, “What’s that’s doing in there?” — like this ingredient I questioned Hawaiian Punch about…
Dear Hawaiian [...]

Where can you turn when you need a Kiss and your lover isn’t around? I hit on Hershey’s because they’ve planted more Kisses in peoples’ mouths than anyone…
Dear Kiss Initiators:

No question about it, your Kisses are addicting. They’ve always kept me craving for more. You get a Kiss just where you want it, right in [...]

After passing a horrific accident involving a motorcycle rider, my mind started racing a mile a minute. Since Suzuki is one of the biggest names in motorcycles, I shared my thoughts with them…
Dear Biker Dudes:

Suzuki is a fun name to say. Does it translate to anything special? If I ever married a Japanese woman and [...]

You think some of your relatives make you sick when they visit? That’s nothing compared to how harmful germs visiting on your household surfaces can make you feel. They not only spread fast, they can spread illness. One way to defeat them is to disinfect (although this will not work on your relatives). I tried [...]

Only Campbell’s soups have earned a reputation for being “M’m M’m Good!” That’s why I questioned them about this…
Dear Soupy Sales Specialists:

I know Campbell’s makes lots of soups. But what is condensed soup?
According to the dictionary, condensed means to reduce something to a more compact or dense form. Wouldn’t that make the soup you’re selling [...]

There’s a small town people always refer to, which I thought was in Iowa. Surprisingly, after contacting a Chamber of Commerce, AAA and Convention & Visitors Bureau, no one there wrote back. Then, a friend told me the town was in Idaho. I wrote the Boise Metro Chamber of Commerce to investigate further…
Dear Director of [...]

It’s not always a dog-eat-dog world. Sometimes it’s a dog-eat-people world. That’s why I reached out to Sergeant’s Pet Care Products, manufacturers of People Crackers…
Dear Sarge,
Your People Crackers Treats for Dogs caught my attention. It’s a little sick and twisted that the characters you want dogs to eat are police officers, postal carriers and delivery [...]

Even with rice, timing is everything. How can you tell if it’s the right time for rice? I checked with Riviana Foods, makers of Minute Rice…
Dear Rice Cookers:
I’m pretty bad with math, so maybe you can help me out. Your cooking directions say to boil the Ready to Serve Brown & Wild Rice sealed cup [...]

When information on a box of Splenda confused me, I sent off this letter being very careful not to sugarcoat my thoughts…
Dear Sweeteners:
The nutritional facts listed on Splenda amount to 0 for Calories, Total Fat, Sodium, Total Carbs and Protein. Does that mean Splenda has zero total nutritional value? Is it the equivalent of eating [...]