Write The Company

If you’re a crayon connoisseur, you know Crayola. While they offer a cool collection of colors, I submitted a few of my own for their consideration…

Dear Crayon Color Coordinator:

Since Crayola Crayons always have the best selection of colors, I was wondering if you ever plan to offer a box of more obscure colors. For example, there’s Icteritious (an intriguing jaundiced yellow). How about Puccoon (a captivating reddish bloodroot)? There’s always Filemot (a lovely shade of dead leaf). And don’t forget Hoary (gray or white with age) or Rubiginous (the ultimate in rusty).

If I melted a bunch of Crayola Crayons in a pot, stirred them together and let the colorful heated liquefied crayon crud harden in the shape of crayons, would I be able to create my own colors?

As far as the colors you have created, what is the most unusual one? And what color(s) do you recommend for kids that enjoy coloring who are color-blind?

A Crayola Consumer Affairs Representative responded with:

Thank you for sharing your kind comments with us. I am happy to learn that you enjoy using Crayola(R) products. Our company receives hundreds of letters and e-mails each week. Most are inquiries for product information. Few people take the time to write and share their thoughts and experiences with us.

At Crayola, we develop new products and improve current ones through our own departments. We understand consumers like you are very valuable. By listening to your comments, we can provide the best quality products and services available. Your comments have been recorded with similar ones received from consumers.

Crayola is the manufacturer of high quality creative experience products and artist materials, marketed primarily under the Crayola and Silly Putty(R) brand names. Most of our color names are taken from a book called “Color: Universal Language and Dictionary of Names” which was published by the U.S. Bureau of Standards. We use this reference guide because everyone sees and expresses color differently. Using the Universal dictionary as a base, we can refer to a standard color system and color names. Many crayon names are also borrowed from traditional artists’ paints.

In addition, we have asked consumers, through various promotions, to help name crayon colors. To learn about any future color naming opportunities, please register to receive our newsletter at http://www.crayola.com/registration.

You may be interested to learn that customized crayon colors can be made using the Crayola Crayon Maker(TM), a machine that remakes and remolds Crayola crayon pieces. Crayola also offers many craft ideas on our sites, including some where crayons are melted. We do have a warning note in these techniques that states care should be exercised when melting Crayola Crayons and that irritating fumes can be released if heated at a high temperature. Our crayons have a melting point between 128-147 degrees Fahrenheit and they will begin to soften at about 105 degrees Fahrenheit. For more information,  please visit the Art Techniques section of our site.

I am sorry to disappoint you; however, we are unable to recommend colors for children who experience color vision confusion. An option for these children would be Crayola Silly Scents(TM) Crayons and Super Tips Washable Markers with Silly Scents Markers. These are wonderful art products for these children because they can use their sense of smell to identify a color as they see it with a familiar scent.

Enclosed is a variety of information about Crayola and our products I hope you enjoy. We appreciate your contact, and hope you continue to choose Crayola products for your creative needs. Best wishes for a colorful future!

Colorfully yours,
“Name of Consumer Affairs Representative”

Final Thoughts: Crayola clearly cares about their consumers. They delivered a comprehensive response filled with passion for what they do. The reply included several fun printouts and interesting reference materials, many of which you can view at www.crayola.com. In the “Crayola Media Center,” check out the links to the far right under “About Crayola.” In particular, give “Crayola Fun Facts” and “Crayola Colorful Moments in Time” a look. If you’re into colors, follow Crayola® Crayon Chronology from 1903 to today.

Few companies offer customer service as complete — and creative — as Crayola. Since many questions about products are not black and white, one way to see a brand’s true colors is to Write The Company.

There was a toy in Target that didn’t come with instructions, so I asked them for some guidance…

Dear Target Toy Team:

In your toy section, I came across a product called “Party Paratroopers,” — plastic Army men with parachute packs. Since this toy is marketed under the Target brand, I hope you will hit the bullseye with the answers to my questions.

Kids aren’t very tall, so dropping Paratroopers from a height of 2 or 3 feet isn’t all that thrilling. Have you done any studies to determine how high your paratroopers can jump down without the parachute giving way? Could they be dropped from a 17th story apartment or the roof of a skyscraper and sail safely onto the sidewalk for a smooth landing? Would they survive being fired from a slingshot high into the sky without their plastic backs suffering whiplash? How windy would it have to get for a Paratrooper to be blown off course? When I used to launch toy rockets, they never landed anywhere near where I expected. Do you see anything wrong with attaching a Paratrooper to one of those toy rockets for some flight training fun?

Geronimo-ly yours,
“Me”

A Target Guest Relations Representative responded with:

Thanks for taking the time to write about the “Party Paratroopers” you’ve seen at your local Target store.

I’ll be sure to share your comments with our Merchandising team to further review with our buyers. We’ll keep working to provide you with the high quality items you’ve come to expect at Target.

We look forward to showing you what’s new at Target.

Final Thoughts: This response was way off target. They didn’t answer any of the questions in the inquiry! It would have been helpful if Target offered some information about how much action this team of 12 Paratroopers can handle. On a positive note, the soldiers did endure a variety of tough high-flying missions and all returned home safely.

If you’re looking for some fun things, try the toys at Target. Although, before jumping to any conclusions about a product you’re not sure how to use, chute off a letter and Write The Company.

The first Twinkie was created in 1930 and the rest is history. Since I generally got a “C” in History, I started with Clinton and worked my way to the Cream filling in this letter to the Chefs behind Twinkies…

Dear Twinkie Bakers:

I read that former President Clinton put a Twinkie in a time capsule back in 1999. It’s scheduled to be opened in the year 2100. I’ve had bread start growing mold in my kitchen after about 6 days. Do you think that after 101 years the Twinkie will still be edible?

Few eating activities are more fun than sucking the cream filling out of a Twinkie. And watching a woman do it makes her my kind of Hostess. How many Twinkies can your cream stuffers stuff with cream in an hour?

Keep on Twinkie-ing!

A Consumer Response Representative from Interstate Bakeries Corporation, makers of Hostess Twinkies, responded with:

Thank you for contacting us regarding the production of our Twinkies® snack cakes.

Twinkies begin as a batter and are put into pans for the oven. After baking, they are filled with creamy filling by injector nozzles while they are still in the pan.

The cakes are packaged into twin packs or individually wrapped, and put into multi-pack boxes.

We are happy to have had this opportunity to very briefly explain the production of our product and hope you will enjoy the enclosed with our compliments.

Final Thoughts: Enclosed with the response was a coupon good for any Wonder, Home Pride or Hostess product, plus some pages containing a “Twinkie Timeline & Facts,” “Twinkie Trivia,” and “The Twinkie Trivia Game.” For example: In 1941, an Indiana milkman named Lewis Browning started eating a Twinkie a day, everyday, and in 1960 he’s consumed 6,935 of them. And … 52,000 Twinkies can be filled with crème in one hour at a Hostess bakery … Not to mention that, “If you laid one billion Twinkies end to end, they would circle the Earth at the Equator twice, with enough left over to go from LA to New York three abreast.” Furthermore … “More than ½ million hens are needed to lay the 160 million Grade A large eggs used to make Twinkies each year.”

Some of the Twinkie Trivia Game questions were real fun, too (see answers below):

1) How long does it take for a Twinkie to explode in the microwave?
a) 45 seconds / b) 50 seconds / c) 1 minute / d) 1 minute and 15 seconds

2) In what city did the “Twinkie-Gate” scandal occur, where a city council member allegedly offered Twinkies to elderly voters to get them to the polls?
a) Chicago / b) Minneapolis / c) Boston / d) Pittsburgh

3) How many miles of cellophane wrapping does it take to cover Twinkies each year?
a) 2,567 / b) 10,207 / c) 39,672 / d) 52,119

Answers: 1) 45 seconds / 2) Minneapolis / 3) 39,672

There was nothing about President Clinton’s Twinkie contribution to the time capsule; however, it is mentioned in this Washington Post article and on the Hostess Twinkies website page. There’s no denying that millions love Twinkies — maybe even a little too much — but in their defense, this is one fun snack, which made it that much more satisfying to Write The Company.

Shampoo advertising for women has much more finesse than what you see for men. What would happen if a man added some Finesse to his grooming routine? I asked the makers of Finesse shampoos…

Dear Hair Finessers:

I’d love to get my hair fresh, soft and silky all at once like your Finesse 2-In-1 Shampoo and Conditioner claims. But I’m not really worried about preventing split ends. I’m more concerned with preventing my hair from getting down to the end! Is your Finesse Shampoo and Conditioner strong enough to finesse what’s left on a man’s head that’s going balder by the day?

You put something in there called Methylchloroisothiazolinone. Say what? Do you realize there are 27 letters in that ingredient? That’s more letters than in the entire alphabet! The one immediately following that — Methylisothiazolinone — is also a mouthful. You would think Methylchloroisothiazolinone would already have enough Methylisothiazolinone in it to cover everything. What does Methylisothiazolinone have that Methylchloroisothiazolinone doesn’t?

Supercalifragilisticexpialidociously yours,
“Me”

A Consumer Service Representative from Lornamead, manufacturers of Finesse, responded with:

Thank you for contacting us about our product, Finesse 2in1 Shampoo and Conditioner. I spoke with our Formulation Chemist and she explained that Methylchloroisothiazolinone and Methylisothiazolinone is a preservative and is also effective against micro growth. When used at safe levels, as long as no sensitivity is present, it is safe for men who are experiencing hair loss.

We certainly appreciate your patronage and hope you continue to use our products. If you have any questions, please feel free to call me at (phone number followed).

Final Thoughts: It was refreshing to receive confirmation that Finesse also applies to men. Plus, offering a direct phone number to call with additional questions was a nice — and considerate — customer service touch.

Knowing that Methylchloroisothiazolinone and Methylisothiazolinone are preservatives is a start. Additional information about how they differ and what they do would have demonstrated even more perspicaciousness and elucidation. It is also not clear what “micro growth means: Teeny, tiny bacteria? The straining of follicles to push out little hairs on scalps of balding men? Or, something else entirely.

Whether you are a man or women with thick or thinning hair, it might help to use a little Finesse. Finally, when you can’t figure out if a product is appropriate for you, get to the root of the situation and Write The Company.

Everyone has heard of Chicken McNuggets. The real question is: Does anyone know what they really are? Hmm, McDonald’s should…

Dear Makers of the McNugget:

I don’t eat red meat or fried foods, but still want to enjoy McDonald’s. So as far as your Chicken McNuggets go, my preference is to peel off the McFried coating and just eat the white meat Nuggets. I know you also have grilled chicken sandwiches, but I’m trying to eliminate white flour and bread products also, and Nuggets are more fun to nibble on than flat breasts.

Exactly what part of the chicken are the Nuggets? I’ve seen what people eat on reality shows and want to make sure the Nuggets are something I would normally eat since I’m just in it for a quick lunch and not trying to win $50,000. Do you have any anatomically correct photos of chickens that you could send with the Nugget area circled in red?

Can you also help me understand the philosophy behind free refills? Why would anyone staying at the restaurant buy a large drink when the small drinks are much cheaper and you can fill them up as many times as you like?

Regards to Ronald!

A Customer Satisfaction Representative from McDonald’s responded with:

Thank you for contacting McDonald’s. We always enjoy hearing from our valued customers, and we’re delighted to know you like our Chicken McNuggets.

Be assured that at McDonald’s, we continually review our menu to ensure that we serve the products that our customers will enjoy most. As appropriate, our Menu Management team makes changes or enhancements to our menu. We strive to satisfy the tastes of the nearly 50 million people we serve each day. Our Chicken McNuggets are made with all white meat.

Since it’s ultimately our customers who decide what products are offered at McDonald’s, your comments are especially important to us. I’ve shared them with our Menu Management team for their ongoing evaluation of our menu.

Again, thank you for contacting McDonald’s. We look forward to serving you for many years to come.

Final Thoughts: I’m not lovin’ this response overall. Other than mentioning McNuggets are, “made with all white meat,” which I covered in the letter’s second sentence, McDonald’s offered no additional information. Their wording, “made with,” did make me wonder what the “with” parts were and those ingredients are listed on their website — a paragraph containing everything from white boneless chicken and food starch-modified to being prepared in vegetable oil containing hydrogenated soybean oil with TBHQ, plus dimethylpolysiloxane added as an antifoaming agent.

I’m still wondering what part of the chicken “white boneless” comes from. Is it only the breast? If so, do chicken breasts have nipples? Probably not because I doubt the Menu Management team would pass up the opportunity to offer millions of people a side of McNipples with their McNuggets. One thing I am lovin’ about the response was it included a card for a Free McCafé medium coffee, plus two buy 4 and the 5th is free punch cards.

If you’re prospecting for McNuggets, or for that matter, McAnything, visit McDonald’s. Although, if you want to get to the meat of the matter with any product, Step 1 is to Write The Company.

Crest Pro-Health Rinse got me so confused that I couldn’t tell the difference between day and night. But I could tell Procter & Gamble, manufacturers of Crest products…

Dear Mouth Rinserologists,

What’s the story with Crest Pro-Health Night Antigingivitis/Antiplaque Oral Rinse? You claim it “Fights Plaque at Night.” Then there’s a Crest Pro-Health Oral Rinse that isn’t labeled “Night,” but also offers prevention and reduction of gingivitis and plaque. What the difference? Is the day rinse a solar-powered formula that loses its strength once the sun goes down?

Why do people need different night time protection from plaque when they’re sleeping? Do you have research that proves teeth can be attacked by plaque even if you dream about food?

Can you send me a microscope slide with a plaque specimen on it so I’ll know what’s living on my teeth … or so I can recognize plaque should some fall out of my mouth onto the sink counter? If you don’t have slides, can you mount a little plaque on a small plaque suitable for hanging in my bathroom to remind me to rinse with Crest Pro-Health?

Recrestfully yours,
“Me”

Procter & Gamble Consumer Relations responded with:

Thanks for writing. I’m sorry for any confusion. All versions of Crest Pro-Health Rinse provide the same protection against plaque, gingivitis, and bad breath. No matter which version of Crest Pro-Health Rinse you buy, we recommend using twice a day after your normal brushing and flossing routine. (Rinse toothpaste from mouth prior to use).

Crest Pro-Health Night is specially formulated for a unique nighttime rinsing experience. It contains additional inactive ingredients for a cleaner mouth in the morning. I wish I could help further, but I don’t have any slides of plaque I could send. Thanks again for writing.

Final Thoughts: Thanks to P&G for straightening that out. I’m still not sure how much cleaner someone’s mouth would be in the morning using the night rinse versus the regular rinse, especially if the only difference is additional inactive ingredients. That seems like a job for active ingredients — very active ingredients! Then again, perhaps it’s also worth having around for guests because who hasn’t woken up next to someone whose mouth smelled like a stadium restroom after a sporting event?

Too bad Crest didn’t have any plaque specimen slides lying around. The only other thing I’ve wanted more from a company was the head of a Crash Test Dummy, but Chevrolet couldn’t send me one of those either. Whether you need to kill some plaque or fight off gingivitis and bad breath during the night, day or both, check out Crest Pro-Health Rinse. However, if anything about a product turns your day upside down, one way to straighten things out is to Write The Company.

After reading a trivia fact about the brain on my bottled water label, words started to flow, resulting in this letter to Zephyrhills Spring Water Company…

Dear Hydrators from the Hills:

When it comes to bottled water, I prefer Zephyrhills Spring Water. There’s no aftertaste. Too many other waters taste like chemically treated sewer water. Not that I ever drank chemically treated sewer water, but I’d rather present thoughts with impact that aren’t watered down.

Your label says, “Did you know your brain is about 75% water?” Actually, I didn’t know. And now that I do, it freaks me out! I’ve heard about people who have water on the brain. They’re a few gallons short of a full water cooler. So how can I reduce the water capacity of my brain from 75% to 20%? I’d rather have more brain power than dilute it with water. Maybe if my brain consisted of less water I wouldn’t think of having to pee so often either. Please advise.

Hydrate the rest of me and leave my brain alone!

A Consumer Response Representative from Zephyrhills Spring Water Company responded with:

Thank you for taking the time to contact Zephyrhills® Brand Natural Spring Water regarding reducing the water capacity of your brain. We welcome questions and comments from loyal consumers and appreciate this opportunity to assist you.

We ask that you please contact your medical care provider, as we are not medical professionals trained to respond to this type of inquiry. We do apologize for any inconvenience.

At Zephyrhills® Brand Natural Spring Water, we are committed to providing you with products that live up to your high standards for taste, quality, nutrition and enjoyment. Your feedback is valuable to us, as it helps us to improve our products and services.

Should you have any additional questions or comments, please do not hesitate to contact us at (phone number and hours of operation followed).

Final Thoughts: You have to admire a company that admits they don’t know the answer to something. Although, if the brain is about 75% water, you’d think water experts might know more about why it’s being sucked up by a vital organ like a sponge.

These days, millions of obsessed people carry bottled water around like standard accessories such as a purse, wallet or Valium. They have bottled water on the brain, which may explain why so many find themselves feeling drained after just a few minutes without drinking. With intelligence levels at an all-time low, is human thinking being diluted by water? Is it time to consult medical professionals for answers as Zephyrhills suggests?

Here’s where you can learn more about Zephyrhills Spring Water. However, when you find your brain is swimming with questions about a product or its packaging, get your thoughts together and Write The Company.

The ingredients in horseradish are quite clear. That is what’s confusing about it. I contacted Silver Spring Foods in search of answers straight from the horseradish’s mouth…

Dear Horseradish Wranglers,

From what I can tell, Silver Spring is the Clydesdale of Horseradish. But what the heck is horseradish? The first ingredient in horseradish is horseradish, so that doesn’t help much. What percent is horse and what percent is radish?

Also, what’s the story on that grotesque glow-in-the-dark purply putrid borscht-colored horseradish? I’d rather have a root canal than choke down some of that stuff. That color has got to go!

If I owned a racehorse, I’d name it Horseradish.

A Customer Service Representative from Huntsinger Companies, makers of Silver Spring Horseradish, responded with:

Thank you for taking the time to write us regarding your love of our horseradish! As the world’s largest grower and processor of horseradish we take pride in the quality of our products.

Again, thank you for your kind words. Enclosed please find a coupon for free product. Try our Beer’n Brat Mustard. It has won the World Mustard Competition for horseradish mustard many times. Enjoy!

Final Thoughts: While the Free Coupon is appreciated, the rest avoided the key question. The world’s largest grower and processor of horseradish didn’t even provide a clue as to what it actually is. In fact, they made things more confusing. There’s not only horseradish, there’s horseradish mustard. Upon further research it seems horseradish isn’t really a radish. It’s a plant that comes from the mustard family. So, why isn’t it horsemustard or horseplant mustard? For that matter, how did horse get in the name in the first place? Maybe it should be called plantmustard. Plus mustard is yellow, and horseradish appears to range from white to creamy beige, so why use that preposterous purple?

It would have been helpful if they mentioned that there’s lots of information about horseradish at the Silver Spring Foods website, including a movie. When you can’t understand something about a product, don’t horse around with it. Do some research or at least Write The Company.

After serving this letter to Prince Tennis, they sure schooled me with the return…

Dear Princes of the Tennis Court:

You’ve been making an incredible racket ever since I can remember and I’m particularly impressed by the high quality strings Prince produces.

Speaking of strings, who figured out that catgut is a good ingredient for making them? It sounds like a gross idea to me! Why catgut? Why not goatgut or mountainliongut (for super strength strings)? I’ve heard there’s more than one way to skin a cat, but I can’t imagine how you’d go about extracting the gut. Too bad I could never work for Prince Tennis because I’m highly allergic to cats.

I know there are a variety of quality strings to choose from, so how does that come into play? Do you use alley catgut for cheaper rackets and Siamese catgut for better quality strings? Another weird thing is how you get tennis balls to be so furry. Any of that cat hair blowing through the vents and into the tennis balls factory?

Don’t string me along, I really want the answers!

A Global Business Director from Prince Sports responded with:

Thank you so much for the letter! Here is an explanation on what the string can do for your racquet/game and what different adjustments you can make. It sounds like you are a tennis player yourself and that you are starting to realize what most players do when they get to a certain level of play which is the strings are the only part of the racquet that actually make contact with the ball (Unless you use the frame on mis-hits like I do very often!). Adjusting the type of string and the tension will provide you with very different playabilities. So let’s answer some of your questions.

Question 1) Many people think string were made of cat gut, but that is not the case. We use many different materials and this is what we use now and how that effects tension.

There are four main materials used in tennis string:
Natural Gut (Cow Intestine)
Multifilament
Polyesters
Nylons

Natural Gut: We no longer use Sheep intestines but currently use cow intestines to make this string. Natural gut is very expensive and is only made in France and England. It typically cost about $50 to string a racquet with Natural gut. The reason for using it is because of it being a natural fiber it will play and be the easiest on the arm since there are well over 6000 individual fibers in the string. Typically strung between 50 and 60 lbs.

Multifilaments: are strings designed to imitate how Natural Gut plays. These strings are very comfortable on the arm and typically have between 500 and 1500 fibers in them. These string cost about half as much as Natural gut so they are much more popular plus they last longer and are not affected by moisture like natural gut. String at regular recommended tensions that are listed on all tennis racquets.

Polyesters: This is a new group of strings that are stiffer, more durable and provide less power. Many tour players are using this type of string in their racquets to help them control the ball. Since it is harder on the arm many will use this type of string in ½ of their racquet and combine it with either Natural Gut or Multifilaments to make it more comfortable. This type of string is called a Hybrid because you can blend the Polyester which is very durable with a more comfortable string. This type of string need to be strung 10% looser due to their stiffness.

Nylons: This is the most popular string on the market and is made from Nylon which is like a soft plastic. You can combine many different materials and colors to make it fun, more durable and even add texture to improve spin. String at regular recommended tensions that are listed on all tennis racquets.

Question 2) What are some of Prince’s Recommended tensions and why?

Tension is very player specific! Here are some general rules to follow.

The lower the tension the more power.
The higher or tighter will provide less power and more control.

All tennis racquets will have a recommended tension range typically around 10 lbs. Example:
50 to 60 lbs on Mid Plus (95 to 100 square inch headsize)
55 to 65 lbs on Oversize (105+ in square inch headsize)

Most people will start in the middle of the tension range on their racquet and then go up or down depending upon their need for more power or control.

Keep up the good work and keep playing Tennis!

Final Thoughts: Prince Sports deserves a standing ovation for this incredibly informative response. The reply leaves a lasting impression that you’re dealing with true professionals on and off the court with a passion for educating consumers and progressing the game for players. Whether you already play tennis, or are considering starting, make sure to check out Prince Tennis. Finally, when you purchase products, sometimes there are — and sometimes there aren’t — strings attached. One way to find out the real story is to Write The Company.

A few things need to be drilled into the heads of dentists. The American Dental Association seemed like a good place to start…

Dear Toothsayers,

No one knows more about dentistry than the American Dental Association and that’s why I seek your advice. Can you put out a small tri-fold brochure containing mandatory rules of etiquette for dentists to follow?

One rule should inform dentists to quit asking questions when the patient’s mouth is full of cotton, tools or their fingers. I’m tired of responding with, “oohweebaba abidabibilow awawawa.” What can they possibly do with that information? Another rule needs to grant patients full authority to control the suction hook at all times. I don’t think dentists realize that when their forearm leans on the tube, it angles the suction part upwards so all it does is suck up air while the saliva is forming a pool under your tongue big enough for a guppy to call home. And they need to stop putting so much of that silly putty in the impression molds. That gunk feels like it’s slowly dripping down the back of your throat and it’s only a matter of moments before your gag reflex shoots a 20 mph blast sending the impression tray onto your lap. They tell you, “breathe through your nose,” but try doing that with a deviated septum!

In the meantime, what are the top three things you recommend for overcoming the fear of going to the dentist that don’t involve sedatives or mood altering medication? And what is the best way to tell your dentist he or she has bad breath?

Tell the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth!

An ADA Representative responded with:

Greetings from the American Dental Association: Thank you for your interest in oral health. We hope the enclosed information is useful to you. We also offer a wealth of information on our web site, www.ada.org, including coloring and activity sheets that may be downloaded and printed.

We thank you for contacting the American Dental Association.

Final Thoughts: Enclosed with the response were three ADA brochures: “Why do I need an ORAL EXAM?”, “Healthy Mouth, Healthy Body — Making the Connection” and “Battling Bad Breath.” While the bad breath brochure has lots of useful tips, none addressed how to tell someone, including a dentist, their breath stinks like the inside of a decayed molar. Thank goodness they wear masks! It’s been decades since I engaged in coloring, but maybe I’ll see if it relaxes me before my next appointment in a few days. No word on whether the ADA plans to incorporate my new rule suggestions in their next brochure.

There really are many helpful and educational resources on the American Dental Association website, so plan a visit. Finally, if there’s an organization or business you want to enlighten, spit out a letter and Write The Company.